For the next while...

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.     - Cato the Elder

Me, in many, many years [hopefully]

This weekend I used an app on a friend's phone. It's called Oldify (shameless plug) and it just takes a picture of you and turns it old. Easy.

My first thoughts upon seeing an older version of myself were:

1. Wow. I still look pretty good
2. Wow. I'm old
3. Wow. My forehead is wrinkly
4. Wow. All the old people I know used to be young
5. Wow. I'm getting old
6. Oh my goodness I'm aging
7. When I'm that old I hope I will have left my mark on society
8. When I'm older I want to have made a difference
9. Life is so fragile
10. I hope my eyebrows still look that good
11. What am I doing today to ensure that I will have accomplished something great tomorrow?

I've actually had a few things weighing heavy on my heart recently. Big life decisions, and all that jazz. Trying to establish what I am doing with my life. I've always pressured myself- maybe just a little bit more than I should- to make sure I am accomplishing things and furthering my life. This is great for planning purposes. I have many well laid plans ready to reference based on differing circumstances and different decisions I may make in my life. That's well and good, but it always makes me rush through life. I'm always planning the next step, and don't enjoy the scenery on this leg of the journey.

So, in the spirit of enjoying this leg of the journey and making a mark on the world, all at the same time, I am in the process of trying to educate myself on politics and issues of the world. I have gone about this by asking successful people whom I have seen as mentors in the past what books they have read that have shaped their world or political view/ have made them who they are today. The responses have been steady and slightly overwhelming. I foresee long hours on the elliptical trying to make it through this giant list of literature that I have received, and I cannot be more happy. 

This time, focusing on quality instead of quantity, I plan to study each book and then somehow apply a principle that I have learned from the book to my life. My commitment is to keep you updated with what I am reading and how it is affecting my life, and to honor this commitment. If you have any further suggestions of something that you don't see listed, please feel absolutely free to comment/ email/ facebook/ tweet your thoughts. 

Significance.

Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves. ~ Walter Anderson

Well, I had something profound to write. Then I realized that it's not really that important. People focus too much on things that aren't truly important- like money, fame and fortune. Sure, these things are nice to have, but what really is vital is the relationships in your life; how much effort you put into them. When you are old and look back over your life, it would obviously be great to see all of your conquests. But what do these things do for you? Alone, and you will still be missing something. Paired with good relationships, and everything in your life turns from a mere happening to a memory. An actual memory that makes you feel something. It doesn't have to be a warm, fuzzy feeling of some great event. It could be a terrible sadness, one big regret, or a deep longing for more. Regardless, whatever you do now- the relationships you form, the habits you develop, the tasks you accomplish- are all a part of a greater picture. Without relationships, no one will care what that greater picture looks like once its finished. In the end, people just want someone to care. They just want to be important.

The awakening.

Life realization #1. 

If you move to music city, everyone is trying to make it. Aka, everyone is attractive. I never really thought about it before, but it's true. It's okay though I'm used to it- I went to Samford. (I have heard that LA is a bigger, badder version of attractive than Nashville. Truth?)

Life realization #2. 

Never date a guy you met at a bar. You may think- "Oh, this one's different!"

He's not.

Don't be stupid.

Life realization #3.

Get your sleep in during the week. You never know what your weekend holds.

Life realization #4.

Don't take yourself too seriously. 

Seriously.

Life realization #5.

Put effort into your relationships with other people.

Don't be lazy and anti-social. 

It'll pay off, eventually. And you'll have more friends.

Love and fear

Gretchen Kemp wrote, "There's this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me."

Was Tennyson correct? Is it truly better to have loved and lost then never loved at all?


I don't even know how to go about answering this question. I just know that love for one person draws us closer to all the other people in our lives... I know that when you love someone you just want to be close to them. 


Love made me a better person. I cared more for my other friends; I saw the world through rose-colored glasses. Every bird that sang and every person I saw playing any sport reminded me of the one I loved.... the one I love. 


Removing the person from my life that I cared so much for also removed my rose colored glasses. I became more jealous, more selfish (as if that were possible), but every bird and every athlete still remind me of that person. 


Maybe he was right. Maybe it's not about if there is someone else out there that you could be with- because really, there always is. Maybe it's just about if you can make that particular person happy for the rest of their life.


Maybe you always expect that person to leave you, because all you've ever known is people who make a cameo appearance in your life movie and then have a permanent exit. But maybe this person is written into every scene, and if you exit stage right then you'll be throwing yourself into a completely different movie. Maybe your new movie will be worse, maybe it will be better. Maybe you'll have ruined the first movie for all your supporting characters... maybe you'll ruin your own movie and have no supporting characters or other main stars. 


That's what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of walking into a new set with nobody by my side to hold my hand. 

Love never dies a natural death.It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals.It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing. -Anais Nin

For the record...

I have actually been reading. But I've only read three or four books since my last post. That said, I am obviously not going to make the 50 books this year. 25 would be nice, but is doubtful. I do love to read, but I like it more when i'm on a stationary bike so I'm burning more calories.

Over the 2 years I've had this thing, I've had several people read it. Lately I expect nobody has stopped by because nothing has changed.

This past week actually marks a new chapter in my life. I may share more about it later; I may not. It depends. All that you need to know is that from here on out, things should be a little different for me.

Clyde.

First of all, I have a new dog. He's  a rescue. They were going to put him down! I couldn't help it. My parents weren't too terribly thrilled, but they like him now. It was kinda hard to find an apartment that would let me keep him... he's almost 60 lbs of pure muscle now, and he's still thin from when I got him!

He is an american bulldog who is a little territorial over me. I think he knows I rescued him =] All we need to do for Halloween is draw a circle around his eye and call him Petey!

I think I'll be Darla. My bff Emile can be Alfalfa. I'll let her know about this later.








I wanna take ballet. Groupon?

Book #4: Crime and Punishment

To go wrong in one's own way is better than to go right in someone else's. In the first case you are a man, in the second you're no better than a bird. Truth won't escape you, but your life will be cramped. -Razumihin, Crime and Punishment

Alienation, heroes, poverty and the psychology of the criminal are major themes presented in Crime and Punishment. Dostoyevsky paints a picture of a man with much potential who- some may say- threw that potential away by committing the heinous crime of murder. But upon the act of murdering a helpless old woman, he  was illustrating a principle of the 'superman', a superior man who was above the law, and therefore almost had a duty to break the laws, which were only in place for the average men. So, in his own mind he was acting correctly, but ended up turning himself in to the law at the very last, to face his punishment.

Good things: amazing novel about good vs. evil, the criminal psyche, strains in relationships
Bad things: There are many characters in this novel, all of whose names are Russian, making it a little difficult to stay on top of all of them, really long- so if you can't finish it all w/in a certain amount of time it gets discouraging


I have to be honest here, and the truth is that I didn't actually read the entire book. It's just SOOOOOO long! I read half of it, but didn't have much free time so was losing track of all the characters. I found a detailed summary on cliffsnotes.com instead and finished it that way. One day I'll come back to it... When I'm not in school trying to 'make the grades'. Maybe this summer?? It really is a phenomenal novel I would recommend to anyone with tons of free time!

Book #3: Racing Weight

You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back. -Prefontaine

 Racing Weight: How to Get Lean for Peak Performance, by Matt Fitzgerald of Runner's World Magazine, is a great nutritional guide for the endurance athlete looking to improve their performance in ways other than training more. He presents a "5-step plan for endurance athletes."

Step one. Improve your diet quality.

Step two. Balance your energy sources.

Step three. Time your nutrition.

Step four. Manage your appetite.

Step five. Train Right.

I don't want to give anything away in the actual book itself, so you're just going to have to read it yourself! I will say that I love learning about fitness and nutrition, and this book was a gem! I really enjoyed everything it had to offer, and  may share some of my newfound wealth of knowledge in later posts. :)