Love and fear

Gretchen Kemp wrote, "There's this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me."

Was Tennyson correct? Is it truly better to have loved and lost then never loved at all?


I don't even know how to go about answering this question. I just know that love for one person draws us closer to all the other people in our lives... I know that when you love someone you just want to be close to them. 


Love made me a better person. I cared more for my other friends; I saw the world through rose-colored glasses. Every bird that sang and every person I saw playing any sport reminded me of the one I loved.... the one I love. 


Removing the person from my life that I cared so much for also removed my rose colored glasses. I became more jealous, more selfish (as if that were possible), but every bird and every athlete still remind me of that person. 


Maybe he was right. Maybe it's not about if there is someone else out there that you could be with- because really, there always is. Maybe it's just about if you can make that particular person happy for the rest of their life.


Maybe you always expect that person to leave you, because all you've ever known is people who make a cameo appearance in your life movie and then have a permanent exit. But maybe this person is written into every scene, and if you exit stage right then you'll be throwing yourself into a completely different movie. Maybe your new movie will be worse, maybe it will be better. Maybe you'll have ruined the first movie for all your supporting characters... maybe you'll ruin your own movie and have no supporting characters or other main stars. 


That's what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of walking into a new set with nobody by my side to hold my hand. 

Love never dies a natural death.It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals.It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing. -Anais Nin

For the record...

I have actually been reading. But I've only read three or four books since my last post. That said, I am obviously not going to make the 50 books this year. 25 would be nice, but is doubtful. I do love to read, but I like it more when i'm on a stationary bike so I'm burning more calories.

Over the 2 years I've had this thing, I've had several people read it. Lately I expect nobody has stopped by because nothing has changed.

This past week actually marks a new chapter in my life. I may share more about it later; I may not. It depends. All that you need to know is that from here on out, things should be a little different for me.

Clyde.

First of all, I have a new dog. He's  a rescue. They were going to put him down! I couldn't help it. My parents weren't too terribly thrilled, but they like him now. It was kinda hard to find an apartment that would let me keep him... he's almost 60 lbs of pure muscle now, and he's still thin from when I got him!

He is an american bulldog who is a little territorial over me. I think he knows I rescued him =] All we need to do for Halloween is draw a circle around his eye and call him Petey!

I think I'll be Darla. My bff Emile can be Alfalfa. I'll let her know about this later.








I wanna take ballet. Groupon?

Book #4: Crime and Punishment

To go wrong in one's own way is better than to go right in someone else's. In the first case you are a man, in the second you're no better than a bird. Truth won't escape you, but your life will be cramped. -Razumihin, Crime and Punishment

Alienation, heroes, poverty and the psychology of the criminal are major themes presented in Crime and Punishment. Dostoyevsky paints a picture of a man with much potential who- some may say- threw that potential away by committing the heinous crime of murder. But upon the act of murdering a helpless old woman, he  was illustrating a principle of the 'superman', a superior man who was above the law, and therefore almost had a duty to break the laws, which were only in place for the average men. So, in his own mind he was acting correctly, but ended up turning himself in to the law at the very last, to face his punishment.

Good things: amazing novel about good vs. evil, the criminal psyche, strains in relationships
Bad things: There are many characters in this novel, all of whose names are Russian, making it a little difficult to stay on top of all of them, really long- so if you can't finish it all w/in a certain amount of time it gets discouraging


I have to be honest here, and the truth is that I didn't actually read the entire book. It's just SOOOOOO long! I read half of it, but didn't have much free time so was losing track of all the characters. I found a detailed summary on cliffsnotes.com instead and finished it that way. One day I'll come back to it... When I'm not in school trying to 'make the grades'. Maybe this summer?? It really is a phenomenal novel I would recommend to anyone with tons of free time!

Book #3: Racing Weight

You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back. -Prefontaine

 Racing Weight: How to Get Lean for Peak Performance, by Matt Fitzgerald of Runner's World Magazine, is a great nutritional guide for the endurance athlete looking to improve their performance in ways other than training more. He presents a "5-step plan for endurance athletes."

Step one. Improve your diet quality.

Step two. Balance your energy sources.

Step three. Time your nutrition.

Step four. Manage your appetite.

Step five. Train Right.

I don't want to give anything away in the actual book itself, so you're just going to have to read it yourself! I will say that I love learning about fitness and nutrition, and this book was a gem! I really enjoyed everything it had to offer, and  may share some of my newfound wealth of knowledge in later posts. :)

Nobody falls halfway. (AKA book #2)

He realized that he had thought only about the first step, never imagined the last. 

 -Colum McCann

 My second book of the year was the "National Book Award" winning best-seller Let the Great World Spin by Colum McCann. The preface opens with a man walking a tightrope between the world trade centers (the twin towers), and the first chapter embarks on a completely different story. The book is sub-divided into four smaller "books" and each had three or four chapters, each respectively following the story of different people's lives. Eventually you see how these people from different socio-economic statuses (statii??) are all inter-related, even though they may not directly know each other. Let the Great World Spin connects the reader on a personal level with individuals who are normally looked down upon or immediately judged without further thought... but that's all i'm going to give away of the story line.

Let the Great World Spin is a fantastic read if you want a novel that will capture you and leave you feeling like you have a different (better, even?) outlook on life. I can't really describe it, but you can read it yourself and find out! I mean, there has to be some reason why it was a national book award winner and best-seller.
That said, I do have to warn you of a few problems with the writing. You have to keep in mind that this is a very realistic, worldly book. There is a whole lot of cursing, because that's real. There are differing views of God presented, because there are real people out there who see things that way. There is prostitution and drugs presented in a very real manner because there are people who don't know of a better way to live- for them it's the only means of survival. This book will open your eyes to a side of the city (in this case, New York) that you probably have never considered before. But if you can get past these issues then I would definitely recommend this book to you as a great read.

If you have read it, or decide to read it please let me know either on here or facebook! I would love to hear any feedback you may have!

Progress.

You might have noticed that I changed my blog. It was on purpose, don't worry! (Because I know you will.)

One of my recently (last few days) thought up New Year's Resolutions is to read 100 books this year. It was pointed out to me that this is about 2 books a week, and since I'm in college, that is extremely unrealistic. (Unless, of course, Dr. Suess and Amelia Bedelia count.) SO, my new and improved goal is to read 50 books this year. And if I read more that is totally okay. I plan on writing up a little something for every book I read to keep you updated!


I still need to make a final list of my resolutions, but, it's already evening of the 19th so it's not like you're holding your breath! I'll get around to it...

BUT without further ado........
.... my first book review!!!


Book #1. The Prince and the Pauper, by Mark Twain.

The lovely story of a prince and a pauper, trading lives by accident, and how it changed their, and many other people's futures, and everyone was eventually better off. Sorry if that ruined the ending for ya ;)
But for real, that's pretty much all that happened...

Literature adds to reality, it does not simply describe it. It enriches the necessary competencies that daily life requires and provides; and in this respect, it irrigates the deserts that our lives have already become. - C. S. Lewis

Life Realization #24: I like cold weather, except when i'm exercising in it.

I can't believe it's been a year since I started this thing... and to think, I started it to keep people updated on my progress towards a race I didn't complete- yet. I will run a marathon, but I kinda want to wait until after college. Maybe right after college, like the summer afterward, but still after. And I still want to run for Team in Training. Not very many of my goals in general have changed over the last year, but we'll come back to that later. I have updates for you!

I'll start with Christmas day. It seems like a logical place to start, and maybe even finish. So on Christmas day it started snowing in the late afternoon. This was the first time it had snowed in our area on Christmas in over 1 or 2 hundred something years! Well, my brother lives a few miles away at his own place, so that night my brother and his dog got in the front seat of my boyfriend's Mustang convertible, my boyfriend was driving, and I was in the back seat behind my brother. We were obeying all the traffic laws, going the  speed limit, using turn signals, etc. Well we stopped at a stop sign, and BAM! - we got hit by a truck. Specifically, a '96 fire engine red F-150, "Built Ford Tough" (c). We were kinda freakin out a little bit. I hit my head on the roll bar, but nothing serious. The dog (a 20 yr old pug, yes, 20, that wasn't a typo) was fine. The driver of the other vehicle pulled over and came towards our window to see if everyone was alright. The driver was my dad! What are the chances....

The Happy Ending:
My boyfriend's car wasn't completely totaled- just almost. And it got a new shiny paint job! My dad's truck walked away with a tiny dent in the bumper. Built Ford Tough. Good slogan. Too bad the Mustang isn't "Ford Tough" too.

So I believe that pretty much catches you up from last year! I'll add a New Year's post later =]